The First Night on Isle Esme
by xEdwardAnthonyMasenx
Summary: This is my version of the first night that Edward and Bella spent together on Isle Esme. We all know what happened, so of course, it's FULL of lemons! Stephenie Meyer cleverly avoided this scene so I wanted to write my version. Please read and review!
1. Part 1

**Now, this is a bit different than the stuff I usually write, but I've had this idea in my head for a long time and I've finally decided to act on it. Now, I know many people have written their own little versions of this, but I have never been able to find a realistic one or one that really could have actually happened. So, since I can't find one, I'm going to write my own.**

**This is about what happened that night on Isle Esme. Of course, there is a MAJOR lemon warning, because we all know what happened. But I'd really like to get into Edward and Bella's mind as they shared one of the most special and loving experiences of their lives. I want to see their reactions to one another, how compatible they are, and find a realistic sense of Stephenie Meyer's cleverly avoided scene. **

**So, I hope you enjoy this 2 part one-shot. This is probably one of the best pieces of writing that I have ever written. Feedback and reviews are much appreciated. I would really like to know what you guys think of my version of these events. :]**

**And once again: LEMONS! This story contains a lot of sexual material. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

(Author's Note: This is a piece of writing to be taken seriously. So I in no way want to use the derogatory words such as "pussy", "cock", and "boobs". This must be realistic. I mean, do you really think Bella and Edward would be saying those slang terms in their mind? No.)

**THIS IS PART 1! PART 2 WILL BE POSTED AFTER I RECIEVE SOME REVIEWS! :]**

**Edward's POV**

I slowly walked out onto the dark sands of the island. I kept my feet moving at a human pace, a casual rhythm, though I felt as if my legs were about to turn to rubber. I was so afraid for her. For my Bella. This was what she wanted... but she did not want to wait until she was an immortal. She wanted to make love with me while she was still human. It was dangerous, but she wanted to try anyway. Of course, I had spoken to Carlisle and my brothers about it. They all agreed that it was not a good idea to try while Bella was human. But they also told me how wonderful it was. How intoxicating and pleasureful. There was no greater thing in the world. Well... except for blood.

Bella didn't realize that I wanted to try just as much as she did. That I wanted to hold her and touch her in different ways than we were now. She was my everything, and just like her, I wanted to have every part of our relationship. Both verbal and physical alike.

I arrived at a tall palm tree and I slowly began to slide off my clothes. There was no point wearing anything in the water. I would just have to take it off again in a few moments. I hung my shirt and pants on a bend in the tree, and laid my shoes at the trunk. Standing there, naked in the moonlight, I felt more nervous than I had before. I slowly made my way down to tide, and slipped my way into the warm water.

Standing waist deep in the water, I began to think about what we were about to do. If I hurt her... if I damaged her in any way... it would always be on my conscience. It was inevitable. There was no way I wouldn't hurt her. Whether it being I was too aggressive and too strong... or if I lost control and bit her. I almost shivered at the thought. The smell of her blood wasn't as uneasy for me as it had been before. But if it was spilled, I didn't know if I would be able to control myself. To be able to resist feeding.

Bella sure was taking an awful long time. I listened past the sound of the waves and the wind, and concentrated on the house. I heard Bella taking many deep breaths, and water running. She was taking a shower? Well... whatever made her most comfortable...

I splashed some of the water around me, just for something to do. So I would stop thinking about the danger I was about to ensue. But I couldn't. It just wouldn't leave my mind. What if I did it all wrong? What if I was terrible at it? I rolled my eyes at myself. Bella wouldn't care how I did. I'm sure she would be amazing... her glorious body tied to me in all the right ways...

It was the first time I had actually thought about Bella this way. And because of this, I felt myself become aroused. It was a quick feeling, mostly near my lower torso. But I found my breathing coming out heavier, and the nervousness being taken over by an excited feeling. It didn't go away, and I didn't want it to.

I realized that the shower had been turned off. I now heard Bella taking even deeper breaths. What was she doing? The words "Don't be a coward." were muttered from her mouth. Was she having second thoughts? The thought of that made me almost relieved... and a little disappointed. My arousal stayed at the same level, though, and I waited. I stared up at the bright moon, marveling at its beauty and taking in the wonders of this place.

I heard Bella's footsteps the moment they hit the sand. I sucked in a deep breath and kept my gaze locked on the moon. She wasn't far behind me... I heard something slide off, and I realized it was a towel. She was naked. I was naked. And we were ready.

There was a tiny splash as she walked into the water. Her feet dragged across the bottom slowly, and her breathing seemed fairly normal now, compared to what it had sounded like before. Her hand touched mine and I squeezed it, the nervousness flooding away. There was no need to be nervous. This was Bella. My soul mate.

"Beautiful." she said beside me, and I guessed that she was looking at the moon as well.

I had to turn. I had to see her beautiful face, the face that was so much more beautiful than the moon we were gazing at. So I could be reassured that everything would be okay.

"It's alright." I murmured, speaking my mind and slowly turning towards her.

I knew her breasts were in plain view but I ignored them. All I wanted to see was her chocolate brown eyes and breathtaking smile. I would gaze at her beautiful body later. She was smiling slightly, her hair hanging wet and wavy around her face. Amazing.

"But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_," I continued. "Not with you standing there in comparison."

The smile increased a bit more, and her hand moved slowly. She took my hand with hers and placed it on my chest, over my heart. I shuddered at her warm touch. A shudder of pleasure, a shudder that made my arousal become more wild and hard to ignore. My breath was rough and wild as well, no doubt an effect from this new feeling.

"I promised we would _try_." I whispered, tensing my shoulders and looking into her eyes. "If... if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."

She nodded and walked forward without hesitation to lean her head against my chest. Her breasts pushed up against me, and the feeling was no longer avoidable. I had to be with this woman. In every way possible. Right now.

"Don't be afraid." she murmured against my hard skin. "We belong together."

I wrapped my arms around her, breathing in her glorious scent and feeling the warmth of her body.

"Forever." I agreed, and I took both her hands gently in mine.

I led her deeper into the water, keeping at her pace. I gently caressed her hands with my fingers, and the smile on her face was spread wide now. I let my eyes fall to her breasts, and I was taken aback at how beautiful they were... perfectly round and pink, her nipples protruding out in a way that had to be an effect from arousal. I looked back into her eyes and smiled.

"You are so breathtaking." I whispered, leaning closer to her.

Her cheeks flushed and I gently touched her face. We continued walking until only our heads were above the surface. And that's when I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, wrapping my arms around her. This kiss was careful, but not at all like the other kisses we had shared before. Her lips clung to mine in a hungry way, and my hands danced down her back, tracing circles with my fingertips. I brought my hands to her thighs and gently pulled her legs up to wrap around my waist. I held her there, kissing her and letting my tongue trace across her lips ever so slightly. She pressed her body tighter to me and my penis tingled in a way that had a moan escaping the back of my throat. Her eyes opened and so did mine. She smiled at me as she pulled away, and then she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Let's go inside." she whispered seductively, burying her head in my neck.

I didn't need telling twice. I ran with inhuman speed back into the house, holding her naked body in my arms. I laid her gently on the white bed, standing over her and making sure she was alright. She smiled even bigger as her eyes trailed down my body and mine trailed down hers. She was so unbelievably gorgeous that my eyes rudely stayed put on several parts of her body. Then I realized... it wasn't _rude_ to stare at your wife's body. She was staring at mine, wasn't she? I just wasn't used to being this intimate with Bella.

I slowly knelt onto the bed and leaned down on top of her, placing my lips at the corner of her mouth.

"You've been holding out on me." she breathed, and I felt her hand grip tight to my lower back.

"And you to me, Isabella." I teased, running my hands through her hair and placing my face on her chest.

A soft moan was released from her mouth as my fingers gently caressed her right breast. I kissed the nipple lightly and her fingers knotted in my hair. I smiled and slid my tongue across, leaving a small wet trail leading from her nipple to her neck. She trembled and I got off my knees. I hovered over her and lapped my tongue across her nipples, moans escaping every so often from her. I wanted her to feel good, and I wanted to give her pleasure beyond anything she had ever felt before.

She must have felt the same way towards me, because I felt her fingers gently touch the base of my penis. I pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"If you don't feel comfortable touching my-" I began, but she cut me off with a rough kiss.

I moaned through the kiss as I felt her hand rub my penis lightly.

**Bella's POV**

2 words to describe Edward when he was aroused. Absolutely amazing. He gripped me tighter and his hands cupped my breasts as I held his penis. It was so intimate, the way he held me, and I knew that this was going to be a long night.

His penis was hard like his skin, but in a different way. I played with it as we kissed, running my hands all over it and loving the sound of his groans. I was a bit afraid as to what it would feel like when he first entered it inside of me. I knew all about how my hymen would break from the pressure, and how it would be painful. I wasn't as afraid as I had been before though. And for that, I was thankful.

It got to the point where we just couldn't wait any longer. Edward slowly pulled away from me, his pale rock hard muscle standing out in the darkness. He was so strong, but so careful. There was no way he would be able to hurt me.

I felt his penis between my legs, and I looked down. It was right there, ready to enter my vagina.

"Bella... " Edward whispered, breathing heavily. "Are you sure you're okay with this? You're not afraid?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. "Edward, I'm ready. I'm ready for you to make love to me."

"I'm going to go slow, okay? I know it's going to hurt at first, but it will be okay. I'm here. I love you." he breathed, and I opened my eyes.

His eyes were bright with concern and love. I took a deep breath. "I love you too."

He smiled and his eyes fell to my vagina so he could see what he was doing. His hands leaned over and pressed against the mattress on either side of my body. He slowly brought himself forward and hesitated. He looked back into my eyes.

"If I hurt you in any way while I make love to you, tell me." he whispered. "And I'll stop as soon as you say the word."

"Okay." was all I could say, and I closed my eyes.

The pain was they only thing I was worried about. I was excited for the pleasure, and I tried to clear my head as I felt the head of his penis slide in.

I bit my lip. No pain yet, just the feeling of coolness. I opened my eyes when he didn't continue, and I saw that he was staring down at me, a look of pure worry on his face.

"Does it hurt?" he asked, touching my vagina with his hand, as if he was trying to soothe it.

"Not yet." I replied. "Keep going."

He nodded and slid his penis farther inside of me. That's when I felt it. The painful sting as my hymen broke. I shut my eyes tight and let out a small whimper.

"I'm sorry." he whispered, and I could tell he was about to pull out of me.

"Keep going." I repeated through clenched teeth. "The pain will go away after a few minutes... just keep going. Please."

He seemed to realize that I knew best, so he gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I love you." he whispered.

And then he was fully inside of me, and holy _crow_! It hurt so _bad_! I knew that his penis was average in size but it felt humongous inside of me. I let out another whimper, louder this time and his hands held my face.

"It'll feel good soon." he reassured me. "I promise, Bella."

"Does it feel good to you?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his back as he leaned down.

"Yes. But I'm not going to rub that in your face, Bella." he whispered. "I'm sure you will feel just as much pleasure when the pain goes away."

He began to slip his penis in and out of me slowly. And he was right. The pain was disappearing, and fast. I soon began to feel a wonderful tingling warmth at my vagina and my mouth opened, my lips forming an "o" as I looked up at him. He nodded.

"I know." was all he said, and then he was kissing me.

The feeling was unbelievable. It was hard to believe that we were really connected as one right now. We were one person, joined together in the most loving and wonderful way possible. I moaned loudly, lost in the immense pleasure. "Edward" was the only word I spoke. Over and over again. And the only word he moaned was "Bella". Over and over.

**Edward's POV**

This feeling. Intercourse. It was so... new. But I welcomed it, as I slid in and out of Bella, kissing her lips and playing with her nipples with my fingers. I had been so frightened when she had been in pain, but it was over now, and all that there was was pleasure.

There was a part of me, a part deep inside me, in my heart, that thought that my worries of hurting Bella were silly. That I could never really hurt her. It was impossible.

And I started to believe that part of me, and ignore the part of me that screamed "STOP! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!"

"Bella Bella Bella Bella." her name kept slipping out of my mouth every time I entered her. I was going fast now, and she liked it. She _loved _it. She was moaning and whimpering and calling out my name into the darkness. My penis felt so warm and wet inside of her, and I never wanted this feeling to go away.

And then, after maybe an hour of making love to her, something changed.

**And that's where I'm going to leave you. Sorry. :P ****After I get some reviews, I will be posting the second part. So please review on what you thought of part 1, and then i'll post sooner. :] Thanks!**


	2. Part 2

**Wow! I got so many awesome reviews on part 1! Thank you all so much! As promised, here is part 2 of Edward and Bella's first night of making love on Isle Esme. :]**

**WARNING: _MAJOR LEMONS_! This contains very sexual material.**

Something began to build up, and I realized that it had been building up the whole time without me noticing. A new feeling overtook my penis and soon, I was no longer in control. I shut my eyes and groaned louder than I had groaned all night. My hands flailed wildly around, hitting things that I had no intention of hitting. My body pounded against Bella's and I felt venom flood through my mouth.

No. NO. NO!

I knew what was happening. I was reaching my climax, my orgasm. I felt so out of control. What was I going to do? It was coming so fast, I didn't have many options. So I bit down on the first thing I saw that wasn't alive; a pillow.

I heard the rip as my teeth tore into the fabric, but Bella was too distracted from pleasure to hear it. I shut my eyes tight as I ripped the pillow to shreds, feathers and bits of down flying everywhere. My hands pounded the bed, and I groaned so loud that it made Bella moan as well. My climax was almost at its peak, and my body was ready for it to take me, for the pleasure to be too much. My hands continued to wildly hit the bed and smack bits of skin.

Wait... skin?

Realization hit me, sending terror through my body. Skin. Bella was the only one here with soft, warm skin. And that's what I was hitting. No. NO! But I couldn't stop. The pleasure had now taken over, and my penis felt its release coming close. I bit down hard on another pillow and tried to keep my hands still. I was hurting Bella, and all she could do was moan. Did she not realize? Not feel that I was hurting her?

I felt my orgasm then. My body shuddered and my face pushed deeper into the pillows. Bella almost screamed as my semen rushed through her, and my penis thrusted faster into her. My name was yelled out into the night, and her fingers pulled on my hair lightly as I climaxed. Even though I knew she was hurt, and even though I knew we should stop right now... I couldn't help but bask in how beautiful and perfect this moment was.

"I love you." I moaned in her ear, and she just whimpered in pleasure.

After my penis had released its seed inside of her, we both lay still, exhausted. Even I, a vampire, had a difficult time catching my breath. My penis stayed inside of her vagina, and I felt Bella soon shudder as her orgasm took over. I felt the warm trickle of liquid fall down my penis as she climaxed, and then we were both too worn out to continue. I buried my face further into the pillows.

We lay there for a few minutes, breathing in and out until we were relaxed. I felt Bella's hand on my penis and I slowly pulled it out of her vagina. She rubbed the tip gently with her fingertips and another tiny squirt of semen flew onto her stomach.

"Sorry." I breathed, leaning my hand forward and wiping it off.

I pulled my face away from the pillows to look into her eyes. She continued to tenderly rub my penis.

I knew for a fact that my semen would have no effect on her body. Vampires did not carry the gene to create babies. Sure, I carried semen, but it would never be able to conjoin with Bella and make a child. For that, at the moment, I was grateful. But when she was a vampire... it would be a bit disappointing that we would never be able to have a child.

I brought my hand to her vagina and rubbed lightly, just so she could feel the pleasure she was giving me. I kissed her lips lightly, never wanting this romantic moment to end.

"Edward..." she murmured, her eyes almost closed.

"Yes, love?" I whispered, rubbing a bit faster.

"That was so perfect." she whimpered, leaning her face closer to mine. "Exactly like I imagined it..."

I smiled and kissed her neck, trailing my lips down to her breast. I sucked her nipple and continued to pleasure her vagina.

"I'm tired..." she breathed, letting go of my penis.

"Sleep, my Bella." I whispered, pulling my hand away from her vagina and reaching up to cradle her face. "You can sleep in as late as you want tomorrow. I'll be right beside you, no matter what."

She smiled. "One more kiss." she requested, pulling my face up to hers.

I chuckled and placed a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. My hands roamed her body and caressed her stomach.

"I think I've already told you this, but I'll tell you again." I breathed in her ear. "Your body is so breathtaking."

"You're not too bad yourself." she teased quietly, and her hand brushed against my penis again.

"Goodnight, Isabella. I'll love you forever." were my last words.

And then she was asleep. I kissed her nose and carefully pulled myself off of her so I could lay beside her. I played with a strand of her hair and watched a few beads of sweat trickle down her forehead. I wiped them off and kissed her temple.

Now it was time to survey the damage. She must not be hurt, or else she would have been screaming. I saw a tear slip from her eye, but I'm sure that was from the pleasure, not from pain. I pulled my body up, looking down at my penis first. It was throbbing delicately, and I touched it lightly. That had been _inside_ of her. Connected to Bella. Penetrating and giving her pleasure beyond belief. I smiled slightly and watched as it slowly began to droop, my erection fading.

My gaze fell to Bella's body, and I almost gasped. There were marks. Red marks. All over her skin. There were a few on her breasts, her chest, her stomach... there were a lot on her arms and there was one near her vagina. I was pretty sure that was from my penis or finger though. I noticed a large mark on her left thigh, and a few light marks on her legs.

It was painful to look at, and even more painful to know that I had hurt her. I had caused these red marks, and they would be bruises in the morning, laid out for me to see. How was I going to be able to live with myself?

This was a bad idea. It was romantic and beautiful, but it was too dangerous. I would not be able to make love to her again until she was a vampire. That was it. She was hurt, and it was all my fault.

I closed my eyes in grief and rolled onto my back to stare at the ceiling. I listened as the waves outside continued to splash against the land, and the sound of the breeze in the trees almost relaxed me. It was still very warm, so I got up and walked over to the big glass doors, not daring to look back again and see the damage I had caused to Bella. I unlatched them and pulled them open, the breeze flying through and ruffling my hair.

I had to speak to someone. Now. Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, anybody. I had to plan out my next move, how I would explain to Bella that this had been a bad idea. Would she be angry when she found out how much pain I had caused her? When she would see the black and blue bruises covering her body?

I walked back over to the bed and my eyes fell to her naked body once again. It pained me beyond belief to see her like that. Though her eyes were closed, and she looked peaceful enough, I knew that in the morning she would be hurting. Sore.

I grabbed my cell phone from the dresser and dialed Carlisle's number. I needed his guidance, his reassurance that everything would be alright.

"Hello?" he answered after the first ring.

I looked at Bella. I knew it would be best for me to leave the room so I wouldn't wake her up... but I didn't want to leave her. I sat beside her and took a deep breath. I could speak quietly enough that she wouldn't wake.

"It's me." I whispered, and I realized how hoarse and rough my voice sounded.

"Is everything alright?" he replied, worry in his voice. "Is Bella okay?"

I sighed. "Not entirely."

There was silence as he waited for me to explain my answer. I took another deep breath.

"I hurt her." I whispered into the receiver. "We made love and I hurt her."

"How badly is she harmed?" he asked frantically, and I could hear the sudden terror in his voice.

"Nothing's broken or anything like that." I reassured him. "But I hit her a few times by accident. She's covered in red marks..." I broke off, my voice cracking.

"In what areas?" he asked, relief slightly appearing in his voice.

"Mostly on her arms and legs. There's a few on her breasts but that might be from..." I trailed off, not wanting to go into the obvious.

He understood what I meant. My lips had probably done some slight damage to Bella's nipples, but she had been in pleasure when I had sucked on them, so I didn't think they were hurt badly.

"Is she awake?" Carlisle continued.

"No. She fell asleep about ten or fifteen minutes ago. She's worn out." I sighed.

Carlisle chuckled. "Did it live up to your expectations?" he asked.

"Yes." I breathed. "It was... perfect. Except for the fact that I hurt her."

"I'm sure she will be fine, Edward. There's no need to feel guilty." he reassured me.

"But I do." I murmured, my eyes falling to Bella's face. "Carlisle, I could have killed her. My own wife." I shuddered.

"It will be fine, son." he repeated, his tone soft and kind. "I'm sure it was great your first try."

"I don't want to try again until she's immortal." I said flatly. "I will not hurt her anymore."

Carlisle sighed and I gently began to caress Bella's cheek with my fingertip. She smiled in her sleep and leaned forward into my hand.

"Would you like to speak with Emmett or Jasper? Or are you not finished speaking with me?" he questioned, a smile in his voice. "I'm sure they would like to hear all about it."

I rolled my eyes. "No. That's okay. I'm going to lie down beside Bella and at least _try_ to relax."

"Alright. Call again if you need anything else. You can talk to me about anything." he told me gently.

"Thank you." I breathed, and then I hung up.

I laid the phone back on the dresser and I flopped onto the bed beside Bella. She automatically grabbed a firm hold of me and I moved closer to her, kissing the top of her head.

"Edward..." she murmured, nuzzling her face into my neck. "I love you... Edward..."

I smiled and went back to playing with her hair. She continued to talk in her sleep, saying my name over and over again. I closed my eyes and wished I could sleep. So I could lean against her and dream about her. Involuntarily, her legs twisted around mine and she crawled on top of me. Her head pressed against my chest and she murmured a few unintelligible words. I gently caressed her lower back, being careful not to touch her bruises.

"I'm sorry." I whispered into the darkness, and I traced circles and patterns on her back until morning. My thoughts couldn't stray away from the guilt of how much I'd hurt her.

The red marks on her skin began to turn blue as time passed. I watched in horror, as I realized that there were more than I had thought there were. I shut my eyes tightly and breathed in and out, trying to calm myself. I was absolutely disgusted with myself, and the guilt continued to grow whenever a new patch of blue appeared on her naked body.

I knew she was awake when I felt her eyelashes flutter against my chest. I continued to trace patterns on her skin, holding back the sudden urge to apologize over and over again. She was awake, but she did not completely open her eyes. Obviously trying to prolong this moment. She was probably already feeling the sore spots.

Her arms tightened around me but her eyes stayed closed. Her face turned over for a moment, and I saw with shock that a bruise was spread across one of her cheekbones. And her lips were swollen from where I had passionately kissed her. She continued to breathe in and out, and I was shocked that she wasn't crying in pain.

The sound of her quiet laughter suddenly broke the silence and I looked down at her.

"What's funny?" I murmured, my eyes gazing at her.

Her stomach growled again as if to answer my question. "You just can't escape being human for very long." she sighed.

I didn't laugh. I was too guilty and pained to laugh. I knew she was hurt, in pain. She was probably just trying not to hurt my feelings. That hurt me even more. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to relax again but failing terribly. She propped her head up on her elbow and her breath tickled my chin.

"Edward." she said, a catch in her throat that sounded strange, "what is it? What's wrong?"

I guessed that my face showed the pain I felt for her. Why was she asking such a silly question? Did she not feel the soreness of the bruises I had given her yet?

"You have to ask?" I said, my voice hard.

I looked down and saw that her forehead was crinkled. She obviously was thinking about something. I felt even more frustrated and pained when the wrinkles didn't disappear. I moved my hand forward and smoothed them out with my finger. Much better.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered.

I was dying to know. Was she in pain? Was she fine? But that wouldn't make any sense...

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...?" she didn't finish.

What was she talking about? How could she not see how much I had hurt her? Feel the ache of the bruises?

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth- don't try to downplay it." I said seriously.

That would be the exact thing she would do. Try and downplay it so that I wouldn't feel guilty. Well, it was too late. I already felt the guiltiest I had ever felt before.

"Hurt?" she squeaked, and her voice was genuinely surprised.

That caught me off guard and I raised my eyebrow, my lips becoming a tight line.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now." she said, sounding a bit angry.

I shut my eyes. She was downplaying it, and there was no use. I knew that she was really in pain. How could she not be?

"Stop that." I groaned.

"Stop _what_?

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edward!" she whispered, upset. "Don't say that!"

What was wrong with her? Couldn't she just yell at me, or agree with me, or something? Why did her feelings always have to be the opposite? I closed my eyes tight in anger.

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." I said through my teeth.

Her eyes fell to her body and she gasped. I shut my eyes tight, wishing that we could not do what we had done last night.

"Why am I covered in feathers?" her confused voice broke the suffocating silence.

I opened my eyes. _That_ was she cared about? WHAT? I exhaled impatiently, I sounded sick.

"I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what i'm talking about."

"You... bit a pillow? _Why_?" she was actually more concerned about that than the fact that I had hurt her.

I growled and grabbed her arm, stretching it out. "Look, Bella!" I groaned. "Look at _that_!"

And that's when she finally realized. Her eyes widened as she pressed in on one of the bruises on her arm. I brushed my fingers against it, trying to soothe it with my cold skin.

"Oh." she breathed.

There. She finally understood.

"I'm... so sorry, Bella." I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have-" a disgusted sound came from the back of my throat. "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

I threw my arm over my face, not wanting to see her reaction to my words. She would be angry, hurt. I was sure she was already about to start crying from the pain.

Insanity shortly followed. Bella explained about how she hadn't been sad at all until I had mentioned it, and that apparently I was "killing her buzz". And that was followed by her thinking we were going to try again, which led me to explain how I could have broken her bones.

"I didn't know what to expect- but I definitely did not expect how... how... just wonderful and perfect it was." she was whispering, her voice getting lower after each word. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."

I was almost frozen at her words; shocked that she had come to that conclusion. I slowly eased her chin up with my finger.

"Is that what you're worried about?" I said through my teeth, afraid that my frustration would scare her. "That I didn't _enjoy_ myself?"

I listened as she spoke of how she thought it wasn't the same feeling, hers and mine. She told me quietly about how it had been one of the best experiences of her life. I was frowning in utter confusion.

"It seems that I have more to apologize for." I sighed. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't... well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were..."

Her mouth turned up at the corners in an adorable smile. "Really? The best ever?" she asked in a small voice.

I explained to her how I had spoken to Carlisle, Emmett, and Jasper. How the pleasure had been wonderful and only second to drinking human blood. But it had been dangerous, and I hadn't deserved the faith Carlisle had put in me.

"It was different for us. Something more." I finished.

"It _was_ more. It was everything." Bella breathed.

"That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

Her face scrunched up in confusion again. "What does _that_ mean? Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"

"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes." I was getting angry again. Not a very good idea.

She grabbed my face and made a speech that I didn't even know she had in her. It almost made my heart melt, if it was possible of moving. Her words were chosen carefully, and her voice was controlled, yet firm. She was trying to plant the fact that she was happy into my brain. I wasn't buying it.

"I'm making you unhappy now." I whispered, touching the crease between her eyebrows. "I don't want to do that."

"Then don't _you_ be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here."

I took a deep breath. She seemed genuine enough, and I didn't want to upset her further. The past was behind us, and there was no way to undo it. There was no point in dwelling on it, as I explained to her. When I finished, her stomach started making funny noises. I knew what that meant.

"You're hungry." I stated, sliding out of the bed carefully.

Feathers were everywhere. In my hair, stuck to my arms and legs; I quickly shook them off.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" Bella asked, sitting up slightly.

"I don't know if I _decided _to do anything last night." I muttered, pulling on my pants. "We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." I shuddered at the thought, and Bella slid off the bed.

The sight before me was worse than it had been the last time I looked. Bruises were everywhere, black, blue, and yellow. She looked like she had gotten beaten up by a professional wrestler. I turned away, hissing. My fault. All my fault. My god damn fault.

"Do I look that hideous?" she she asked, still sounding cheerful. HOW THE _HELL_ COULD SHE SOUND _CHEERFUL_?

I heard her footsteps as she walked to the bathroom. I turned back around and quietly followed suit, my eyes on her back. It was just as beaten up as the front of her body was. Her bum was covered in red spots, and for some reason, that embarrassed me. I think that had been done on purpose.

Once in the bathroom, we both stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her beautiful naked body, now covered in black and blue spots. I felt like gagging. I really was a monster.

She groaned and my arms wrapped around her, hoping she wasn't hurting too bad. The sight was probably disgusting her as well.

"Bella?" I breathed, needing to know if she was alright.

"I'll _never_ get this all out of my hair!" she pointed at the mess of feathers lodged on top her head. Of all the _ridiculous _things to worry about... ugh.

"You _would_ be worried about your hair." I mumbled, carefully plucking some from her hair.

I wanted to kiss her neck, to hold her like I had last night. In a way that showed how much I _wanted_ her. But I couldn't. It was too dangerous.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous." she asked in a frustrated voice.

You _sound_ ridiculous. I didn't voice my opinions out loud. There was nothing funny about this whatsoever.

"This isn't going to work." she huffed, dropping her sore arms. "It's all dried in. I'm going to have to wash it out." she turned and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Do you want to help me?"

An image flashed through my mind. Me, washing Bella's hair in the shower, pressed up against her. Moving my hands slowly down and replacing the shampoo with soap. Gently spreading the soap all over he body. Her naked body. Slick and shiny... soft and wet... any part available for my lips to hungrily kiss...

No.

I pulled away from her quickly, wanting those images out of my head. I couldn't do this again. Too dangerous.

"I'd better find some food for you." I said quietly, turning and walking out of the bathroom.

I was never going to hurt her again. And that was a promise. The her, and to myself.

**I hope you liked it! Please review with your thoughts and check out my other stories! I have a new one about a girl who moves to Forks, only to discover that the Cullen's are actually real. Please review that one too, and tell your friends about my fan fictions! Thanks! :]**


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